I’ve already confessed to being an analytical thinker. It’s who I am and I blame God for it He’s also responsible for the huge gift of sarcasm that has landed with me.

What He hasn’t given me enough of is the gift of hospitality. Perhaps it is because I’m too busy assessing my surroundings or off in a “what if” scenario to give adequate attention to comforting people to make them feel welcome and invited. But just because I have been seemingly overlooked by God with that gift doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate it when I see it in others.

When a gifted person is put in the right situations to express their giftedness, it is a beautiful thing. (Except of course when it comes to being a prophet. That’s only beautiful to God as evidenced by how often the prophets were persecuted throughout history.)

I have a bit of a dilemma that I’m willing to share with you. Know that it requires me to be vulnerable so give me a break going into this dialog. As a prophet, God usually sends me to a church as an agent of change. That agenda can be awkward for everyone. God will not allow me to be a member of a church where false doctrine is being knowingly taught. But I so miss Christian community and family. As you might imagine, I spend a lot of time alone until God sends me for a specific purpose.

There is a ladies’ Bible study starting this week that I would like to attend with God’s permission. It is at a church that seems to not treat women as less-than beings. I want to attend as a woman, not as a prophet, but God has cautioned that it may place me in a conflict-of-interest position. Can I blend in when God wants me set apart? It’s easy to follow God’s instructions when He sends me, but very difficult when He later holds me back from the people that I have formed a connection with. I’m not sure that I know how to do this.

The dilemma is do I attempt to do this thing or should I just stay in my own lane. I can certainly study the Bible with God alone at home. Should I risk my heart in community or just be content where things are? Do I risk possible punishment from God for wanting to be silent when I should speak? Is it silly for me to be so apprehensive about being truly welcomed. Perhaps it will take God telling me that I must go before I can step confidently in that direction. He has no problem with that technique at most other times. Could He want me to be reluctant? Am I being too analytical when I should just accept hospitality?

Perhaps I should just keep talking to God about this until there is peace. Why isn’t there peace?